Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Admit It, Authors: You're CRAZY, But Which of These 10 Disorders Do You Have?

Note: This article is not intended to diagnosis or make fun of anyone with a real mental illness. I'm only making fun of authors and I can do that because I am one and I've done EVERYTHING on this list.

1. Multiple Personality Disorder: Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD),[1][2] is a mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities

"HAHAHA. This character is so funny. He always tells the funniest jokes."

"I hate that guy. He is always trying to sabotage the other characters while they are questing."

"This character is so clever. Why didn't I think of that?"

Um... you realize its all you, right?

2. Bipolar: Extreme Emotional Highs and Lows

10:30 A.M. 

"This is the best book ever written! The New York Times best selling list might as well engrave my name in stone. I'm going to be more successful than Stephanie Meyer and J.K. Rowling combined!

Orlando Bloom, Robert Pattinson, and Johnny Depp are going to beg to star in the movie. Every household in America is going to have this book on their shelves. The schools will make it required reading! Life is good!

10:35 A.M. 

"My book is terrible. Who is going to want to read it? I might as well take it into the backyard and burn it will all my rejection letters. Why did I waste my time writing it? I'm so embarrassed."

10:37 A.M.

"I should try entering this manuscript into a contest. I'm so good there will be no competition."

3. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder:

Author is crying hysterically.

Spouse: "Whats wrong?"

Author: "I just had to kill a character. I really liked her. I can't believe she's gone! It was such a horrible death. There was so much blood. I'm never going to look at ferrets the same way again." *blows nose*

4. Anti-Social:

You mean I have to talk to people? If I say something stupid can I go  back and edit it?

5. Separation Anxiety:

"Its been two hours since I last sat at my computer!"

You really notice this anxiety when the power goes out or the computer crashes. Look out!

6. Amnesia:

Spouse: "Where were you for the last seven hours?"

Author: "Holy Smokes. I swear I just sat down at my computer five minutes ago."

7.Fugue State: A fugue state, formally dissociative fugue or psychogenic fugue is a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state is usually short-lived (ranging from hours to days), but can last months or longer. Dissociative fugue usually involves unplanned travel or wandering, and is sometimes accompanied by the establishment of a new identity.

Watch out all you who write in first person!

8.Anorexia Nervosa

Yeah, you were so busy typing and touring you forgot to eat again, huh?

9. Dementia

You're at a party and tell this amazing story that happened a long time ago. Then you think, 'Did that really happen to me or did it happen to one of my characters?'

Or you're sitting in church and raise your hand to comment and tell about something that happened in one of your books.

10. Schizophrenia: "Schizophrenia (/ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/) is a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown of thought processes and by a deficit of typical emotional responses.[1] Common symptoms include auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction"

Author shoots out of bed in the middle of night. "I have to go write this down! My characters are talking to me again!"

"If I don't finish the scene they will all just be sitting there while lava rushes towards them. I need 30 more minutes of writing so I know what happens!"

"If I don't give my characters this magic necklace someone might die!"

Yeah, its like that. Happy Writing!

Definitions from Wikipedia


  1. I get all of those except for 1, 5, and 7. Somehow I've managed to escape those far! LOL!

  2. I was laughing so hard! The accuracy of this post is astounding! Thanks for making my day and for pinpointing all my problems! I might have to print this and post it on my wall above my computer :)

  3. Ha ha ha ha ha! Spot on! Thanks for the laugh, Deirdra.

  4. That is so funny thanks for sharing! Pretty sure i have a few or more! LOL

  5. I get all of those but number eight. Why don't I suffer from number eight!? That's the one I really want!

  6. Guilty of everything but 8. Obviously. lol

  7. You've nailed me! And when you explain this to a non-writer they look around for an escape route.