Friday, June 7, 2013

Perfectionism And Adrenalin Rushes

During my healing process (after having my tonsils removed) I want to heal in other ways besides just physically. I really want to take the time to “be still and know God.”

Anyone who knows me knows how fast paced I live my life. I enjoy the adrenalin rush of working in the publishing industry which is full of intense deadlines and tedious projects which demand switching from right to left brain tasks, sometimes even moment by moment.

I must be flexible and take my time to listen to authors, but also speak in 10-30 second “pitches” when working with my wonderful New York agencies and publishers.

I love what I do and it provides me with an outlet for creative opportunities to work with many kinds of people. It also puts perfectionism to a good healthy use and feeds my appetite for an adrenalin rush.

Perfectionism. I have issues with it. Perhaps its part of my need to feel in control of my outer world since my inner world can be so chaotic. If I didn’t have this outlet, I’m sure I would feel more anxious as I frantically tried to perfect things for the sake of perfecting instead of prioritizing appropriately.

My husband says I’m addicted to adrenalin rushes, much like a person can be addicted to drugs. Unfortunately, like drugs, there is always a crash after an adrenalin rush.
I want to better balance my life. I’ve decided to take time in the early morning while most people are still asleep to have my own devotional where I can connect with the universe and learn to be more like God. Along with that, I want to learn to more appropriately use adrenalin instead of abusing it just to get my highs.

Here are three things had reaffirmed to me over during the last few days:

#1 True Love vs. Infatuation:
My husband is amazing. Yesterday when I was pretty sick he held my hair and rubbed my back while I puked. He put me in the tub and held me so I wouldn’t drown while he washed me up so I could feel decently clean after the whole ordeal. Then he dressed me and carried me to bed.
He even cut off my hospital bracelets with a Kunai (ninja throwing knife.) How SEXY is that?

#2 It’s okay to rest:
Even though I’m awake and doing okay, it’s okay to just lay here and listen the adorable conversation between my son and dad. I’m enjoying this moment.

#3 Just because I want it doesn’t mean it’s good for me:
The pizza that the boys (Nate, Kal’el, and my dad) ordered smells so good. I guess I'll eat another Popsicle.

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